Saturday, 10 April 2010

the end of all my lies

I have returned; I am here.
Do you understand? I have returned.

Thursday, 4 February 2010

Why, hello.

I can hardly move, for my muscles are so very, terribly sore.

It is a good thing, however.
It means that kickboxing + starvation = Skinny Love rapidly losing fat, oxygen to her brain, and a false sense of happiness.

It's all good. :]

Exactly seven days from now will be the One-Year Anniversary of this..this blog, my descent into all this fucked-up shit I've gotten myself into. I can hardly contain my excitement!

You all deserve something for sticking with me this long....I will conjure up something marvelous to give you (albeit virtually) for your troubles.

This post is lacking in anything too interesting or contemplative...I've got school work clogging up my mind at the moment.

Minus 1 pound since Tuesday. Good progress? I think not. But it is progress. And I should be thankful at least for some proof that I'm shrinking.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

waste-of-time post

I think I burned about half my body fat at the kickboxing class today. It was absolute heaven. (I already made a friend...a...MALE friend! I am a horribly clumsy and hopeless person when it comes to physical activity. This MALE friend [in a state of nervousness/bashfulness, I forgot to ask his name, so I dub him MF {male friend} for now] helped me throughout the class. Just thought you should know such unnecessary information...)

I found this blog today via Bella, and all I can say is that I enjoy it. A great deal.
Here's a little taste from the blog:

"The Very Hungry Model: a Children's Story
Once upon a time there was a very thin model. Her name was Coco because all models are named that these days, because what actually happens is that people run out of names and then there’s no names to use so they just use Coco. And they drink Coco too, so they must be fat and wear polos because everybody knows that Coco contains calories (and Coco before bed is bad because how are you going to exercise it off, hmm? Unless you do..You Know What…but as this is a children’s book we shall not get into this. Ask Mummy about this when you are older).
Now. There was a model named Coco and she was very thin. She was so thin that all the designers wanted her for their shows, because she took up less fabric than normal people and therefore it was more economical to have her as a model. Of course, the other option was to have her buy the clothes she modelled herself; however this was not much of an option as then she’d be what we call a “consumer”, and not a model.

One day Coco was walking down the runway at Dries Van Noten bear’s show; where there was a girl-bear in the front row who was eating an APPLE. Coco felt an unfamiliar rumbling in her barely-there stomach, and made one giant jump for the apple; and tried to snatch it from the girl-bear’s hand.
“Mine!” said the girl-bear.
“No, mine!” said Coco, although she couldn’t possibly snatch it anyway because she was so very thin.
Coco’s stomach rumbled again.
“Awww…” said the girl-bear. I suppose you can have my apple…
Coco ate it and she then had a apple protruding out of her stomach, never mind all this business about the “digestive system”. She was still hungry.
The next day Coco ate two celery sticks, more than her usual one. She thought the apple would sustain her for a year or ten, but it had not. The apple was like crack for her, and it’s here was can learn about life: don’t feed the models (because food is like crack for them, haven’t you been told in school not to do drugs?).
The next day Coco ate 4 celery sticks and a piece of gum which her friend Geneva gallantly gave her.
The next day Coco sneaked into the bakery and bought ONE donut, as well as having EIGHT celery sticks and TWO pieces of gum.
The next day Coco bought TWO donuts from the bakery, ONE cream bun and 16 celery sticks and a whole PACKET of gum.
Karl-bear came to see her, and have her a copy of his book: “The Karl Lagerfeld Diet”. But the silly girl would not listen. She continued to nutrition herself, and keep herself healthy.

The next day Coco ate ONE roll of salami, ONE cake, FIVE donuts and 32 celery sticks and FIVE packets of gum. She was a very fat model. She weighed 60 Kilograms!

The next day Coco ate FIVE rolls of salami, TWO cakes; including a wedding cake, TEN donuts, 64 celery sticks and TEN packets of gum. That day she had a show, and she was so fat that she looked like a giant ball. And they had to roll her down the runway, and she crushed the audience and their Manalos.

She was a very very very very very fat model.

But then! She went into a rehab centre, which is basically a cocoon for famous people where The Karl Lagerfeld diet became her bible. And she emerged a beautiful butterfly-- I mean, model. And she was very thin again, and therefore fulfilled."
I would never tell my child (if I had one, that is) this "story". I will, however, tell myself.
Day 2 of my new "plan", and I have not binged.

Monday, 1 February 2010


February 1st.

1 Banana
10 tortilla chips
1 tortilla
some cilantro

I feel full. Insane? I think yes.
I feel good. Huzzah! Huzzah!

I'm in the mood for a Richard Simmons video.

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic, so here's a photo of me circa 2007:
I'm estimating that I was about 115 lbs. Same height, 5'3"

2 1/2 years and 33 lbs later:
You can tell. My weight gain is apparent. Ugh, repulsive.

Sunday, 31 January 2010

Damn, two weeks of no posting YET AGAIN

alsdfj;sldkfj;aslfjs;dlfkj I'm finding it difficult to keep my word to post often.
But that's going to change. Beginning TODAY.

Today is January 31st. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new month, a NEW me, NEW eating habits, etc.
I'm going to call January my "fuck-up" month.
The first month of the year, when I was supposed to completely change and cease my bingeing and no-exercising lifestyle. But of course, that did not happen.

So tomorrow is going to be the beginning. Also, 11 days from now on February 10 will be the one year anniversary of this blog. I can't say that I didn't make any progress; I did manage to lose 15 pounds in two weeks in April. But it all came back, and I'm at the weight I was at when I made this blog.
148. Let it siiiiiiiink in.

1 4 8

I'm beginning a bi-weekly kickboxing class this week. I hope it helps.

Vampire Weekend is coming to my city in March. Rest assured, I WILL have lost at the very LEAST 20 pounds by then.

P.S. I turned 19 on January 24. Hurrah.