Wednesday, 2 September 2009

I was hit

I was a naughty, naughty girl when I broke my fast. Instead of liquids-only, I ate an entire avocado, two slices of garlic bread, and a tablespoon of Nutella. It wasn't much food, but my stomach has shrunk considerably, and it hurt so fucking bad. So...I purged. DAMNIT. Or is it damMit? Fuck, why did I have to ruin my perfectly good liquid-diet? I am so bloody pathetic. I won't forget this b&p, I never do. But tomorrow is a new day, it's still Ramadan until September 22, and I WILL FUCKING STARVE.

so very hard by hunger today. It just rammed right into me earlier, so hard that I almost gasped. I am so. fucking. hungry.
I'm surprised I haven't felt any terrible hunger these past few days. I suppose it just built up and finally unleashed its terrible wrath upon me. I am literally bent over in pain.
Well, my jawline is defined. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm a fucking fat elephant.
I feel as though I've been starving forever...sort of how I think a person in a starving country feels. Hey, wait a second - isn't that what fasting during Ramadan is about? Feeling the same as people in starving countries?

I also wonder - malnourished people in starving countries have distended, bloated stomachs full of anything but food. Why do people who willingly starve and who become deathly thin not have bloated stomachs? Is it because even though we're refusing our bodies any nutrients, we're still healthier than someone in a third-world country?

I think my mummy dearest is on to me. She sees me drink, but not eat. Wonder if she'll figure it out? I may have to resort to chewing & spitting today. Chewing in front of her, to prove that I am eating. Ugh. I hope I don't have to do that. I'm afraid I may accidentally swallow the food, and then binge. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP.


Anonymous said...

ohh me! me! i can answer the bloated stomachs thing! (with my hand raised, waiting to answer looool)i read once that it was like a disease called "Kwashiorkor" (pronounce it haha) cause by the lack of protein and salt, that makes your blood stop flowing and that causes those huge bellies..well it was something like that xD

Don't do the chew and spit thing!! is the EVIIIL!!!!! remember my experience with bread!

Btw you can practice with me your spanish wheneeever you want to.It's funny how people that don't have spanish as their maternal language speak.They do it soo correctly with the accents and everything! Seriously you have a better spanish than me haha..i guess i speak english kinda properly too xD

Take care perra! (bitch lol)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your comment. I did try soy milk but it's just not for me.. heh. I don't really think anything about cholesterol and all that but I'd probably try to get used to it if it had less calories than skimmed milk.. which it doesn't (at least not the brand they're selling here.)

I hope you won't have to resolve to chewing and spitting as it (for me) is very hard to keep everything from going down.

As for those third world children, I think that they have some worms or bacterias in their intestines that make them bloated like that. I think I heard something like that once.

Don't binge.

Isabella said...

Ahh, baby. (My Blogger ban does NOT extend to commenting. So, comment, I shall!)

I always feel so sorry for those little kiddies. And, a bit meanly, I'll admit, I wish that I could stick a needle into them.

Because I'm curious about what would come out. Blood? Air? Gloop? Or would they just "POP"?

I'm hopeless at chewspitting. Because, once I have the taste, it's like... ahh, one piece of ___________ won't hurt me. Or another piece of __________, or that, or this or that chocolate triple tier cake. Nahh, why not?!

You know, last night, I left you the HUGEST comment! It was gobsmackingly large! But, fate would not have it.

So the internet didn't let you have it.

Stupid thing! LOVEYA

PrettyWreck said...

I think Brune is right, but I'm not sure. I'd have to look it up.

That's a good way to look at your mistake, though. Tomorrow is a new day. That's all we can do. Pick up, m ove on, and don't fuck up again.

You have a lot of strength for being able to fast as long as you have. I couldn't do it, that's for damn sure.

And don't worry XD The site didn't make me hungry, until I got, oddly, to the marshmallow puffs with cinnamon toast crunch that was fried. Then I was like, "Why does that sound delicious?" But I had been looking at it before while nauseous from running XD

I also work out like nobodies business. I hated running, but after going to the gym for two hours every other day for a couple of months, I started running, and suddenly found that I could do it. Now it sucks until I get to the runners high. I found that I can maintain a slow jog and run the 4 miles, but I get really sick if I do. I just have to work my way up to it so I don't get sick after I finish it XD! I'm short, and I have big boobs. And a big ass. I actually get lower back aches from my butt going "Wobble" while I run. It's TERRIBLY embarassing XD!!!!

Isabella said...

1. How can you look at those sites you have on the side of your posts and not feel hungry? It's counter-productive!
2. You're the same height as me!
3. You have the same goal weight as I do! Incroyable!

Lots of people seem to, y'know?

Rachel B said...

I worry about the only drinking/not eating thing too. I just moved into my aunt and uncle's house, and I don't think they've ever really see me eat. I worry that they might say something, but so far, so good.

Good luck dear!!!