Sunday, 8 March 2009

proud of myself, yet dreading the near future


Today was quite a busy day!
I worked in the morning, and let me tell you, it was DIFFICULT. We had cinnamon rolls again, and I almost died everytime I walked past them. They looked SO damn delicious. But I didn't touch them. Instead, I ate six little cubes of watermelon. But I love watermelon more than I do cinnamon rolls, so I had no reason to complain.

After I got off work my mum and I went shopping for a prom dress and things for my trip. We went all over the place - IKEA, Wal-Mart, David's Bridal, and the mall to Dillard's, Macy's, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, GAP, and Nordstrom. My knees and the balls of my feet are killing me, but I burned an enormous amount of calories so I'm just fine!
We went to David's Bridal first. I tried on about five dresses. I could hardly look at myself in the mirror I'm so fat. You could see my love handles in every dress. There were some overweight women there trying on dresses as well, and while they looked nauseatingly jiggly, it did nothing to how I saw myself. I didn't find anything there so we left.
At IKEA my mum bought THREE candy bars. She ate one of them, which had a total of about 540 calories. But her skinny ass doesn't gain weight. I wanted to shove them all in my mouth, but I was able to refrain! You don't know (actually you most likely do) know how frustratingly difficult it is to refuse chocolate.

Anyway, on our way to Forever 21 in the mall, we passed a Godiva store. My mum literally dragged me in to see if they had any free samples. They did - some roasted almond truffle. She gave me one and plopped another in her mouth. As we left the store and resumed our walking, I put the truffle in my purse and then said "mmm it's really good!" while pretending to chew. My mom laughed and said "you punk, you put that whole thing in your mouth!" and I laughed along. HAHAHAHA. I tricked you, mother!
We spent the next few hours split up, she walking around looking for eyeglasses stores, and I looking for clothes.
My mum's birthday is in three weeks, so I slipped into Macy's and bought her a Givenchy Absolutely Irresistible perfume set. After I had looked around some other stores, I met back up with her in Nordstrom.

I tried on two dresses. The first one I tried on was beautiful (and I bought it!). It's sort of...mermaid style? It's halter-neck with black beads coming down to my navel, and around the beads it's ruched I think is the word? It's a snug fit until to my knees, where the skirt iflowy. It's got a black and white sort of swirly print on it. Maybe I'll post a picture of it later.
The second one I tried on was even more beautiful. It was sort of grecian style (which is my favorite style). It had two layers; the bottom was cream-colored silk, and the top was black chiffon. the straps had black and cream beads, and they came underneath the bust. Even my mum was speechless when she saw me wearing it. It was 800 dollars. And that's why I bought the other one, which was FOUR times cheaper!

At GAP I bought two pairs of jeans. It took me, as it always does, ages to find a pair I liked. I'm extremely picky about my jeans, and in the rare instance when I actually find a pair that I like, I wear them for years until they are completely threadbare.
But the jeans I bought are cute, and they waist is high enough to cover my love handles. However, I did buy them a size too small, so that will give me even more reason to lose weight and fatty fat.

When I was in Forever 21, my lips became chapped and so I reached into my purse for some chapstick. I found my now smashed truffle instead. I didn't have a napkin and there was no trash can, and so I ate it. All of a sudden (and I am not kidding!) everyone who was fat/obese stuck out. I swear those were the only people I saw after I swallowed the truffle. It was sort of nightmarish. I saw them sitting at the food court gobbling fries, saw them in Lane Bryant searching for the largest size possible... Fat people truly disgust me. And they have for as long as I can remember. That said, I don't how I could have allowed myself to become an object of my disdain and disgust.
So during that fat I SPY I found my mom and told her I didn't want to buy that Baskin Robbins Snicker's Sundae anymore. She said "good! We didn't need a thousand calories anyway!" PHEW. I'm SO glad that I didn't get that sundae. The truffle incident will be forgotten.

By the time I got home I had been shopping for almost ten hours, and the only thing I had eaten was the watermelon and the truffle. I FINALLY felt weak and shaky again today! My head hasn't pounded from lack of food in almost a week. It felt so good to be back on track.
I made myself a fruit smoothie - nothing but a banana, apple, clementines, strawberries, and ice. It was yummmmmmmmmy. And I felt full and healthy after a while.

My total caloric intake was only 350, and I burned more than double that. yipppeeeeeee!
I was 133 this morning, and I don't really expect it to change by tomorrow. We'll see.

Hopefully I will be able to exhibit such beautiful self-control from now on, and not binge 'til my stomach explodes.
Because I felt damn good today. :D

Good luck to everyone!


Jenna said...

Wow! Impressive self-control. FANTASTIC job!

Ana said...

YAY!! Yay for your gorgeous prom dress, your self-control, and your kickass intake/outtake ^_^
You rock:D