Saturday, 7 March 2009

un-processed food, here I come

Worked 10 hours today.
ate (I need to find a different job. My current one is slowly turning me into an obese binge eater)
  • 3.5 cookies - 420
  • 1/2 cup broccoli cheese soup - 100
  • 1 bread roll - 103
  • 1 chicken strip - 114
  • 1 brownie - 127
  • 4 breaded veggie sticks - 160
  • 1 Clementine - 40
  • cheese fries - 295
  • chocolate ice cream with walnuts - 365

Total - 1,724

I ate fucking loads, and the only healthy thing was the miniscule clementine and now I'm at 131 lbs. >:[ This was, however, my last binge for a VERY long time.
...I burned off 1000 (jogging, crunches, squats) and I haven't actually sat down today. But it felt damn good to run until I couldn't breathe anymore, and my heart was beating like a hummingbird's wings.
And yet that still brings my total to 724. When I really think about it, it's just shocking that I can consume THOUSANDS of calories. A THOUSAND is such a large quantity.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to punish oneself after a binge? Please? I've slapped myself in the face a couple times when I tried to get a grip, but that doesn't work. I want to punish myself for being bad (anything that DOESN'T include purging and/or self-mutilation!). Now that I think of it...isn't starving a form of self-mutilation? Whatev.

I think I may need to change the line underneath my blog title. Here I am, eating four fucking cookies every other day when it says "I've come too far to take orders..."
God, what a bloody hypocrite I am!

Tomorrow is the beginning of my raw-only/fast! hoorah!

control is in my hands at last.
Good luck to everyone :D


Ana said...

Don't get the slightest bit masochistic. All the punishment we need is in how fat that food makes us....:(
At least it sounds yummy

Anonymous said...

I think to punish urself after a binge, a HARD work out does the trick. Plus it burns off some of the cals.