Sunday, 16 August 2009

Did you know that life sucks?

I don't even know what to write..
How about a short list:
  1. I'm depressed, as I'm sure we all are
  2. My dad is in Afghanistan for three months. Please pray for his safety
  3. I cry every night thinking of MN (the one who shot himself)
  4. I'm back at 142 fucking pounds. Need I say more?
  5. My mum has ovarian cancer.
  6. She's going through chemo, so
  7. her hair is falling out and
  8. she's down to 100 pounds
  9. I know it's probably inappropriate to feel jealousy towards her weight, but
  10. I FUCKING WANT TO BE 100 POUNDS
  11. Give me cancer please, so I can go through chemo, PLEASE?
  12. I'm horrid for saying that but I don't give a damn
  13. I don't care if my hair is gone (which is what will happen anyway when I starve)
  14. My summer was okay...
  15. I almost had a fling but then I had to come home and
  16. I think guys find me too boring/arrogant/quiet/awkward so they run away. sigh.
  17. I miss posting all the time on here.
  18. I b&p yesterday. fuckfuckfuckme.
  19. I'm back to raw food today. But restricted to one banana, 2 apples, and one orange a day.
  20. The 22nd is the start of Ramadan so
  21. I'm going to fast, but instead of eating a lot for breakfast, I'll either drink a glass of chocolate soymilk (which I discovered/fell in love with this summer), or eat one fruit then
  22. starve all day and when I break my fast I'll eat something 200 calories or less.
  23. I'll try to calculate how many calories that is each day, and see how many pounds that adds up to (if I can figure out the math; I'm inept)
  24. I hope to be thinthinthin by October, when KINGS OF LEON AND WHITE LIES come to concert OH MY GODDDDDDDDD (I'm ecstatic haha). And then I'll look good in a bold outfit

I had a dream last night where I was half-asleep, and guys were scrutinizing me and saying that I had a pretty face but my body was enormous.

Give me some time to sort things out and I will trytrytry to become a regular on here once again. I still love and appreciate your comments :]

I think I'm going to be bold and post a photo of me. Maybe later today or tomorrow.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, here's the photo. This is me two months ago. I'm still the same weight as I was when I took the photo; that's why I posted it. Maybe I'll post a more recent one soon. Anyway, I'm only leaving it on here for a short while. Click it to enlarge.


DELETED THE PHOTO

6 comments:

beginner said...

Ooh, photos are alway exciting ^-^

Maybe you'll get cancer when you're your mum's age.. but you can easily go down there just by controling yourself, take up meditation?

I have put on terrible amounts of pure fat on me the past few weeks, it's just horrible. Tomorrow is the day I'll stop being a beginner at this, I´m far from that. Not an expert still but well intermediate.

you'll manage

Celia said...

I think guys find ME intimidating and expc me to do the asking out. I also missed posting!! And the past 3 days have been pure fail, but I'm back on track tomorrow for sure.

Hope your Mum is recovering. Your plan for fasting sounds potentially good but beware of the binging!!

Rachel said...

Oh.Em.gee. I thought I was the only one that wished for cancer just so I can be skinny! I totally understand and feel the same exact way! Whew! I may not be crazy after all...but yea I'm so sorry for your mom. My grandma had cancer too but she beat it! Chemo def works. I will keep your dad in my thoughts- and i love your list. Hope you feel better soon.

R Harlow B said...

you have such a thin face. i am totally jealous. my face shape is round which only looks worse the more weight i gain

PrettyWreck said...

Awww I wish I had caught the photo.
I hope your Dad comes home safe. That's terrifying.

Chemo isn't happy. It's...not fun. And you gain a lot of weight after it, generally. My mom did.

You'll lose the weight again. I believe in you. ♥

xthinforever said...

Damn I missed the photo!!
Yeah, come back to the blogosphereeee... I'll teach you about boys <3 LOL. Just take some time for you to get your head on straight and come back when you are good and ready. Miss ya!