somewhat hopeful

I'm feeling slightly happier today.
I woke up this morning, with the same thought of fasting today...and I actually started off great! My weight is back down to 127, and I drank ONLY water throughout the day. Maybe it's nothing special but it was a big feat for me. I actually felt good. Well, other than getting a pounding headache everytime I stood up...

Around 6 p.m. I made pizza for my family, and since I hadn't eaten anything I contemplated going ahead and eating some. Actually, I almost chomped down the entire thing, but sitting with my family prevented me from doing that (thank God).
So I had two slices (with extra cheese and turkey pepperoni) which came to a whopping 457 calories. At least it wasn't anymore than that. I feel so stuffed right now, but it wasn't a binge so I suppose it's okay.

I think my mum has been noticing some changes in my eating habits. She's recently been making little jokes about me "only eating an orange for dinner" and such. So it's good that I ate two slices of pizza in front of her. She can't be suspicious if she sees me eat right?
I've tried to make sure that I leave no trace of this blog on my laptop. After I've posted my entry and done a little thinspo-surfing, I delete all the history and everything. I even use a separate browser for my eating junk than I use for everything else. I don't have a door on my bedroom so I don't play music while I type, in case someone sneaks up on me (which my siblings often do, and find hilarious). I don't know what would happen if I were caught...hopefully it never happens!

Anyway,
Thanks to Ana's (Depth Perfection) advice on the crunches. I'll add those to my growing exercise regimen! And it makes me happy when I see that people read my blog and comment. I feel all warm and bubbly inside when I know people find me interesting enough :D

Speaking of crunches, I saw the pictures I posted on yesterday's entry and I am so embarassed. How could I allow myself to become so disgusting? I think I may delete them. I don't want to cause more pain than you already go through. How's that for thinspiration, eh?

I've no idea what's in store for tomorrow. I think I will try to eat only an orange. If I was even able to skip breakfast (I NEVER missed breakfast before) and still think clearly, water and an orange and NOTHING MORE should suffice. I think I can, I think I can I think I can...