Saturday, 28 February 2009

My stomach most likely almost burst today. I did the one thing I swore I'd never do again. I binged and purged. I haven't purged in almost a month.
We had guests for dinner and I had to eat to be polite. So I ate some basmati rice...and that did it. After that I ate
  • two bowls of cereal
  • a poptart (I don't eve like those!)
  • ice cream
  • nuts
  • bread
  • some chocolate chip-nut-graham cracker thing my mum makes
  • teddy grahams

This all came to about 2,200 calories. holy shit shit SHIT. I was so full the food was in my esophagus, and everytime I laughed even slightly, it would come up to my uvula. And I continued to eat and drink water. Even my mum noticed the amoutnt of food I was eating and made piggy sounds at me. Finally, after my last chocolate conoction, I slowly walked to the bathroom and looked at my stomach. IT WAS MASSIVE. It protruded even farther than my breasts. I could hardly breathe, and my stomach was beginning to scare me. I had to rest for a second and wonder why the fuck I did what I had just done.

So I purged as much as I could bear, because all the damn chocolate and water created the most disgusting and vile tasting vomit I've ever had to purge. It truly is...I can still feel the remaining chocolate in my stomach and remembering the taste is making me shiver. Since it was so much food I was able to purge the majority. I finally finished, my stomach was a bit smaller, and I could almost breathe. But I had failed myself no matter what I did or didn't do.

Also - I went to the dermatologist today. I had to get a skin biopsy to see just what the hell the matter is with my appendages. The doctor stuck a needle in my finger to numb it, and then she cut off my skin and stitched it up. Now I've got stitches (whoa!) on the side of my finger, and they hurt like hell. But that could be a punishment for my less-than-perfect eating.

Anyway, I'm falling asleep as I type this, and I have to wake up insanely early to go to work. So I apologize for any typo's or grammatical errors!

One thing is for certain - since I won't be home (around observing family), I can restrict entirely. I know for a fact I won't be eating for a while becuase I would rather be bald than puke all the time. Even drinking water to restore hydration to my body is difficult because y stomach is still fucking full.

[the only good thing today - I noticed my toning exercises have paid off. My bi/triceps are more defined, my calves are muscular, and the knobby part of my collarbone is beginning to show]


1 comment:

Ana said...

Aw, I'm so sorry you had such a bad day :-( *hug* You can work that off, in a day or two you'll be golden