Friday, 10 April 2009

congrats on being a complete failure!

Have I ever mentioned how much I despise jelly beans? Or any licorice, for that matter.
Well, I do, and jelly beans were the cause of a binge today. The only reason I even ate them was because of my 86 calorie day yesterday....

I have been hiding a 4 lb. jar of Jelly Belly's in my closet for my brother H's birthday.
He's my 5'7 115 lb. 13 year old brother. The one who eats three heaping bowls of Lucky Charms and two bags of popcorn in a row.

Anyway, I walked into my closet today and saw the jar, was curious about the nutritional information so I picked it up. (140 calories for 35 jelly beans, in case anyone was wondering)
Then I saw the various flavors...and I have to admit that the Mango and Orange Juice flavors sounded sort of...good. So I opened the top, picked a bright orange jelly bean (there are about five variations of every colour of the rainbow in the jar), and ate it. It was Tangerine, and it was delicious. So I ate another. French vanilla. Yet another, chocolate pudding. Kiwi, cantaloupe, raspberry.
I couldn't stop myself. I just continued to pick out different flavours and eat them. And as I said, I HATE jelly beans...yet there I was eating them as though I loved them.
I eventually realised how nauseated they had made me feel, so I finally forced myself to stop.
Of course, I had to do something about the nasty feeling in my stomach and taste in my mouth. So I ate some real food. Rice and bean/bacon soup. And peanut butter crackers (damn I'm such a hypocrite for saying I'll never eat those again...I swear they've got some addictive ingredient in them).

Then later on in the day I had a banana, enchiladas, gallo pinto (rice & beans), cool whip w/ strawberries, a chocolate bar, two more packages of pb cracks, and a walnut brownie.

I can hardly breathe. I don't dare weigh myself. It doesn't motivate me to restrict and lose weight. It just makes me more depressed.

I was supposed to go to my dad's this weekend. Which would have boded even worse since going over there would have involved Afghan parties and Afghan food.
Fortunately I used my needing to finish my government and english essays as an the great disappointment of my dad.
But he can live with it. I wouldn't want him and his family to see how disgustingly fat I am.

I know I've been eating like an elephant for quite some time because I have a BM EVERY SINGLE DAY. That's fucking bogus, and disgusting. I hate it.
Tomorrow I'll be alone at home, cleaning the entire house and working on my English.

Think I can stick to celery?

1 comment:

Jenna said...

Oh, Skinny Love, I'm sorry. But we ALL have days like these (unfortunately I seem to have them more than others). You will get where you want to be soon enough! I have tremendous faith.