seeing things

Prom on Saturday was great! Loads of calorie burning booty shakin'.

I ordered what I said I was going to at The Cheesecake Factory. I was imagining my 275 appetizer salad to be small; however, the bowl and the salad were about as large as a soccer ball cut in half...if you can imagine that. And it was an APPETIZER! I didn't even finish the whole thing, even though the asparagus, edamame, and beets were delicious.

I was the only one at my table who didn't order cheesecake for dessert, because I despise cheesecake. I ordered the Godiva fudge brownie sundae...and THAT monstrosity (1300+ calories) consisted of THREE big slices of fudge brownie, two measuring cup-sized scoops of vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, and Godiva chocolate squares. It was the largest dessert at the table, and I offered it to everyone but nobody wanted any. I ate the ice cream and a third of one brownie. I took the rest home to my mum. I couldn't believe how gigantic it was, and I am SO glad that I didn't eat it all.

At prom there were some hors d'oeuvres, and I did eat a rice krispy treat and a cookie, but I also ate some broccoli, carrots, cherry tomatoes, celery, strawberries, and grapes.

---------

Sunday and today I binged. I also purged today. It's those fucking peanut butter crackers. But after my third package today I think I have finally, finally become sick of them.
This week is also going to be extremely stressful - I've got art projects, English essays, and Government exams/essays all due on Thursday. I need to prioritize - school over food.

On days that I binge, I spend about 4 hours in the kitchen. Doing nothing else but scarfing down food. That's FOUR wasted hours that could be used for school work. After wasting those hours I find myself beginning homework at 9 p.m. and staying up until 3 a.m.
Running on 3 hours of sleep every day has taken its toll. I doze off in every class, I have permanent bags under my eyes, and I've begun to hallucinate in class. The hallucinating is the worst because they merge with the actual lectures and I don't know what's going on.

Extreme stress/anxiety, sleep-deprivation, weight gain, and hallucinations are detrimental to my life. If only I could knock food out of the picture, I would be able to handle everything else much more easily.
Wish me heaps of luck as I try to stick with a 100 calorie or less week! (meaning mostly oranges/apples/celery)