Monday, 25 May 2009

feeling a bit better...

Thank you guys; I'm feeling better today.
I weighed myself - 135.

So I haven't gained from the 55 grams of fat I had yesterday...yet.

Today I'm going out for breakfast with a neighbor...but I'm not feeling well (most likely from yesterday) so I'll get the smallest entree possible and eat a quarter of it. Or less.

Then maybe I'll eat some fruit.
My vegan uncle is coming back to visit, so I'm making aush, which is a (vegetarian) Afghan soup. (PrettyWreck - it involves tomatoes but they aren't required!).

Later I'll post up the recipe, after I've actually cooked it.
It shouldn't have too many calories - potatoes, carrots, onions, pasta..............well, okay.
Maybe it will. And loads of sodium and carbs.
>:[

I just want to sleep.

Okay, remember my friend T? His sister was who's birthday party I went to yesterday. Anyway - ever since he "supported" me while I was religiously fasting, he hasn't been eating much.

I've noticed that at work, he's replaced his usual heaping plate of food with two little boxes of cheerios and milk instead.
And at Cici's, he ate ONE slice of pizza and a little salad. (Which I am furious at myself for, because I ate FIVE TIMES as much as him.)

Later while I was at his house his mum and I were talking, and she told me that he told her he had lost ten pounds. From eating only cheerios and some fruit each day. I told her that I thought he did look as though he was losing weight.

WHAT THE HELL. I should be the one losing ten pounds, NOT him! Well, he should as well, because he's so large. But still. How can someone who has been overweight his entire life, obviously loves the disgusting desserts his mum makes...how can HE have more control than I do???

Am I being selfish? Envious?

I don't know.
But I've got a renewed sense of competition. Yes, competition! I am beginning a new silent competition against T. He WILL NOT surpass me in weight loss or control. no no no.

If that fat boy can control his eating to some cereal and fruit, then I can do BETTER.

I feel cruel calling my friend fat. But I dislike large people...the way they look at least. Hypocrite!

But I will control myself. T will not win.

p.s. Oh and Farah from thinspiration-pictures - your comment box is not working!

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At the restaurant I had some grilled potatoes with cheddar cheese. The original plate included bacon, and I asked for NO bacon...but they put it on there anyway. I'm not the kind of person who if one little thing is wrong with their food demands a refund, so I just picked off the bacon and ate the rest.

30 minutes later, at home, I was stuck in the bathroom, my intestines twisting and spewing (pardon the disgusting info) liquid. Damn potatoes. I guess my fasting/restricting has now taken over my digestive system, and anything cooked is now too much for my poor organs..

And that is why, after I cooked my Afghan soup and had half a cup of it, and some avocado/tomato/onion/carrot salad, I purged it all. Because my stomach was DYING. The purge relieved the pain a bit, but they always leave me dehydrated and dizzy.

Ugh, I can't wait for tomorrow. Bananas, applesauce, and water. I can't believe I ever enjoyed cooked/prepackaged food. RAW, RAW, RAW!

I'm feeling kooky and extremely sleepy.
Goodnight ladies <3

6 comments:

Lulu said...

He's probably got more motivation because he's much bigger than you remember... the smaller you get, the harder it is to keep focus.

Competition always makes it easier, good luck!

SkinnyBitch said...

Aw. I want him to lose his weight.
It'll be good for you to have competition/inspiration...but I wish you could encourage him as well =[

Good luck with your competition, heh. I have a fat friend I'm "competing" with as well.

(and I feel like I'm in constant competition with my boyfriend who eats like a fatty then LOSES weight...asshole XD)

Laura said...

Thats obvious.
Fat people tend to lose weight easier and faster than normal people.
As you get smaller, it becomes harder to keep losing wait.



I like your blog.

Ana said...

I'm glad you haven't gained anything :) and that you're feeling motivated.

Super Amy said...

hey, prin... youand I have the same height, same weight and same problem...


sometimes is kinda hard to stick to your diet, but that's what you should do in order to feel good with yourself.

It's ok to have a competition... with you! you you and you should be your only goal and only challenge.... challenge your self!!!
"Fisrt be best, then be first" once you've won the battle to your self, then you'll win over anybody else.

Good luck and tons of kisses...

Laura said...

WTF, did I write wait instead of weight?
God, I'll perish in hell.

Anyway, I have 4 blogs because they talk about different things.
Mein Kampf is about weight, its mainly my intake.
Verborreica is about... random stuff about my life. I complain a lot here.
Pepe's is to my imaginary friend from jr. high school.
And well also sprach, I quote a lot, and some random stuff I write.

You can comment on the want you want, I mean, is still me.