Wednesday, 20 May 2009


Today was an non-fasting day.
I did do breakfast the same - usual stuff, usual time.

For lunch I had a salad (lettuce, a slice of tomato, cucumber, and 1 chicken nugget). For dinner I had the same as lunch, except with croutons as well. The scale still reads 136...I hope I haven't hit a plateau!

I'm so happy - tomorrow mum is leaving for Arizona, and won't be back until next Wednesday. My siblings will be gone with their dad from Friday to Monday. Which means I have the house to MYSELF! I'm so very excited, because it means I can restrict without anyone noticing or questioning me.

So I'll have a full week until mum returns...perhaps I'll be a couple pounds thinner by the time she comes back? Although she'll probably notice...but I don't think I really care if she does or not.

Anyway. A few weeks back I had an assignment in art where I had to pick a famous artwork and replicate it. I chose "Girl Before a Mirror" by Pablo Picasso. At the time I thought I liked it because of the colours. But after completing it I realise the reason why I chose to do that particular painting. I mean, look at it:

It's a (maybe) pregnant young woman gazing at her contorted, dark reflection in the mirror. She looks perfect (assuming this is a cubism world and that is what normal women look like), but the way she sees herself in the reflection...
I feel like this every waking moment of my life. As I'm sure all of you guys do too.

Awaiting another day fasting and an entire week of losing weight....

"Hurt myself again today. And, the worst part is there's no one else to blame"

Sorry for the random, boring post; I just need to sleep.

Goodnight ladies.


Ana said...

Wow - I never would have seen that in that painting, but now I do.

Tri Thin said...

I've always loved that painting - a print of it hung in my bathroom in my first college apt. It helped me feel a connection to something bigger than me, than my ED, like knowing women in a completely different era suffered from BDD. I can say honestly, I never purged in that bathroom.

margeurite said...

I love that painting. I definitely think it embodies the mindset of all of us. It's also just beautiful aesthetically -- lovely colors and forms.

Congrats on your mom leaving, and good luck on restricting! I'm glad you seem to be a lot more positive lately!
RRR, dear. <3

Lyla Unleashed said...

thank you for making me aware of this painting! Picasso isn't my favourite artist, but this is beautiful, and it shows keen insight on his part. i hope your replication is as lovely!

good luck while your mom's away, enjoy the freedom!